Gold! Always believe in your soul!

9 01 2013

AniGold

You’ve got the power to know you’re indestructible!

I hope you find a little more time, remember we were partners in crime, it’s only two years ago.
The man with the suit and the pace, you knew that he was there on the case!

Wow, those lyrics make sense… Clearly, the endeavours of the Anirangers were foreseen by the prophets Spandau Ballet. Never let it be said that our lives are anything other than bizarre.
As you can tell from the picture, plans are underway to introduce (finally) the seventh Aniranger, AniGold. He’s just a regular ranger; and will integrate nicely into the existing team. His origins will be clearly explained when he appears in the flesh, although regular readers will no doubt recognise his design as the work of our mysterious contributor Reyn.

We can’t promise a completion date – this design presents a fair amount of problems that are going to take some time and effort to sort out. AniBlack takes great pride in his work, and won’t settle for anything less than perfection! In the meantime, keep the faith, Anifans.

– The Anirangers





Christmas Greetings from the Anirangers

24 12 2012

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the H.Q,
not a Ranger was stirring, not even Aniblue!
The helmets were hung on the mantle with care,
in hopes that St. Nicolas soon would be there.

The original poem is many verses long,
to mutilate it further, would surely be wrong!
So I exclaim, dear reader; don’t give up the fight!
A happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time of year again, Anifans. We hope you are all enjoying some peace and quiet with your families and friends. AniBlack gets a little emotional around Christmas, he’s such a sensitive soul. He’s out on the roof, looking out for Santa Claus. Something was said about wanting to spread joy and happiness to all the children around the world – we think he wants a ride-along. AniBlue told him that Santa doesn’t visit ‘big boys’, and even if he did, the roof of the HQ isn’t nearly large enough to accommodate a fat man, sleigh and eight reindeer. The sight of someone dressed all in black waving a sword might scare him off, too.

AniBlue seems quite content. He’s eagerly anticipating snow. Apparently, it “makes the vixens easier to track”. That scamp! Will there be no end to his perverted endeavours? He’s probably on a watch list by now – suspicion was raised after he went into Pet World looking for “those cages that snap shut” and “fox food”. We expect the raid to be any day now.

No, girl! You'll give him ideas!

NO.

AniGreen is barricading himself firmly in the 19th Century. Snuggled up by the fire in his gown, cravat and slippers, cane in hand. A sherry too far prompted a fierce tirade last year… AniBlack was proclaimed to be, amongst other things, “a crumb of cheese”. Feelings hurt, he returned home that night to find the town’s prize turkey festering on the doorstep. Being a vegetarian, he did not imbibe. AniBlue quickly claimed it – not for himself – but for his “pretty ones”.

Actual photograph

AniGreen – Actual portrait

So, dear readers. We wish you all a happy, merry, peaceful and safe Christmas. Spread some cheer and look after your fellow man, even if it’s just with a smile or a tip of the hat. It’s a big world out there, and many are not fortunate enough to have the company of their kin. Raise a glass to them, and to peace on Earth.

Til next time,

AniBlack, AniBlue and AniGreen





Life will find a way

25 10 2012

A new Aniranger approaches!

Coming forth from the ancient past, our ranks are bolstered by the appearance of a mysterious warrior! An Aniranger who takes as his totem the mighty Pterodactyl. What powers does he possess? What are his intentions? Only time will tell!

 

 

How come he gets a shiny suit!? Pah! And what’s that, a shoulder pontoon? Well, I’m not gonna let him boss my Anirangers around!!

Til next time, friends.

– AniBlack





Summer of Love

22 08 2012

Howdy cowpokes!

Your trusty correspondent AniBlack here, bringing you Aniranger news from our secret headquarters. Speaking of, I recently cleaned and reorganised it. I showed mercy towards the spiders… Our vacuum cleaner has a “release” function that I suspect was intended for the exclusive purpose of liberating any eight-legged fiends sucked into the mighty vortex.

I recently made a modification to AniBlue’s helmet. You’re gonna like this.
He now has a working communicator built into the foxy carapace! It has a range of two or three kilometres, a discreet button at the temple to transmit, and a speaker and microphone giving crystal-clear conversation with any civilian-band radio. The button at the side even lights up when the circuit powers on.
It is powered by a lithium battery that recharges via a 3.5mm jack.

Like this, but smaller and helmet-shaped.

It was a difficult thing to do, and required some expensive parts, so I doubt I’ll fit them to all our helmets anytime soon. That said, it is a very convenient and useful function… communication is difficult while in morph. Naturally, your hearing is diminished, and your own voice muffled, so you end up communicating with mime and gestures.

On another note, the Anirangers will be attending the London Expo in October. We’re working on some upgrades to our suits at the moment:

Pending licensor approval.

As you can see, we remain largely the same, but suits are constructed somewhat differently. Red and yellow are now reserved for girlies, hopefully adding a gentle touch of feminine class to the group.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Keep the faith, spread the word, and enjoy the rest of the summer. Unless it’s winter in your part of the world, like Australia, say. In that case, move to the “right” hemisphere, you bloody fools! You’ll fall off the world, one day.





Walkabout

10 04 2012

Howdy AniFans!

Oh, my, what a quiet month it has been! No monsters. No evil robots from space. No gigantic robotic animals tearing up the warehouse district. How does a super-powered hero pass the time?

Er… by putting a new roof on the Aniranger HQ, I guess. In my impoverished state, I couldn’t afford anything other than “Value Roofing Felt”. Pah! I’m sure I’d be better off using banana leaves. (Speaking of, that spider Anired found in his Solomon Island Surprise is still at large. I occasionally see its victims, wrapped in a neat parcel of webbing. Grasshoppers, dogs, children.)

AniBlue passes the time by constructing vague facsimiles of various female cartoon characters from pillowcases and scraps of fabric. He then retires to his secret dungeon, where I assume he has tea parties or something. Why he insists on burning them in a garbage can afterwards, I don’t know. Bad tea? Poor manners? Either way, Gadget and Sally Acorn paid the price.

AniGreen, the conniving Judas, has fled the country. No doubt, he was so shamed that I emerged the victor in our last bout of Mario Kart, he seeks solace and isolation in the mountains of Austria. What about MY feelings, Green!?

I’m sure he will have a good time with his family. I have asked him to bring back a kangaroo. Redemption will follow, but he’ll have to get creative/violate himself horribly to get it through customs. Watch out for the claws, man. Those suckers will carve you up like a canned ham.

In other news, Spring has sprung, and the weather is fine. When AniGreen returns from his antipodean quest, we shall have many adventures in the glorious Devon countryside. We often find evil schemes to foil and vagrants to kill. (He was… uh… turning into a monster, you see.AniBlue)

We’ll be visiting London soon, as well. Keep an eye out, our costumes are a dead giveaway. If you see us, we always appreciate gifts of foreign cheese and caged songbirds.

Keep in touch, we’re always eager to hear from readers and implement their ideas or embarrass them completely.

Keep the faith, friends!





An Update Approaches!

21 02 2012

Hello Anifans!

I come, across the vast and empty desert of the interwebs, to dust off the cobwebs of the HQ and fill your juicy brains with juicy information about the latest juicy endeavours of the Aniranger team.
(Mental note: We’re out of orange juice. Buy new 2-litre.)

All has been quiet on the western front, lately. We’ve all been busy… far too busy to protect the world! Miles has been filling the neighbour’s pool with sheep-dip, in a possible attempt to rid himself of parasites. I told him not to frolic with those vixens that live in the alley.

I have been busying myself with various things… I was doing my best to get a video up, for you all to enjoy, but the batteries ran flat on my cattle prod. Buy Duracell, kids, they’re worth the extra £1.50. It’s hard to motivate the others without it.
As for Pete, he’s been doing… various… Petey… things. Sordid, dark, vulgar things that would make your eyes bleed, no doubt. Or not. Maybe he just had a nice cup of tea. That boy is an enigma wrapped in a mystery, snuggled in an emotionless and pallid  gooey outer shell.

Our good friend Kent is about to add a new, sixth member to his team. If the gulf of the Atlantic can be crossed (I told you not to sell your boat, Pete!! I TOLD YOU!) we shall have a ‘crossover’ episode. Watch as giant Americans stomp our tiny British frames into guacamole! Laugh, as we stumble around on the “side walk” and eat “chips”, gawking in confusion at imperial measurements and cars that drive on the wrong side of the road.

Well, that’s the Americans offended. I’ll cross them off the list. There aren’t many countries left…

Keep watching this space, Anifriends. And keep the faith.

– Adam





A word from our sponsor

31 01 2012

Hello folks! The Anirangers are proud to announce a partnership with German brewing company Gesellschaft GmbH. Please take a moment to read our promotional feature. Perhaps import a cool, frosty glass of the King of Gesellschaft Beers: “FüchsinPißen Wasser”

In 1989, nearly one score ago, the Berlin Wall collapsed, bringing freedom and unity to a nation, but also crushing several trucks loaded with delicious beer. Their containers exploded, combining their contents and showering the people (and the pavement) with a new, gestalt beverage! In the resulting cacophony, Charles Schultz Bismarck scooped up a tankard of the blend. Taking it back to his secret workshop, he reverse-engineered the recipe, and began selling it as FüchsinPißen Wasser, named for its unique, refreshing taste and distinctive colour and aroma. After several cruel buyouts, the Gesellschaft brewing company was formed, to bring his creation to the world, at a fair price.

Imbibo Penetranter

Remember, guys, we get 1 Deutschemark for every case sold, so get down to your local grey-market importer now!

Thanks for your continued interest in the Anirangers!





HAHAHAHAA!! I’M BACK!!

11 01 2012

FOOLS!

Did you think I would be so easily dissuaded? Did you think I would give up the chase, or even forget you? Never! I will not rest until every last ‘animal ranger’ is ground to a sticky pulp under my heel!
I’ll start with that self-righteous pedagogue AniBlack…. Oh, how I will enjoy breaking his bones! So much power, and he wasted it, wasted the opportunity to be great, to be feared! Now that power is mine!! The irony is delicious.

I know it’s hardly sporting. But all is fair in war. I’ve seen that green nuisance and his pet fox hanging around, too. Maybe AniBlack in his prime would have given me cause for concern, but these two jokers look like they couldn’t fight their way through the morning mist. Maybe the green one will make interesting squishy sounds when I step on him!

SEE YOU AROUND, FOOLS!!!

You wrought these chains with your ignorance, Anirangers!





Let’s Make it a Good One

5 01 2012

Happy New Year, Anifans!

Oh, it’s so exciting, isn’t it? A whole new year ahead of us, full of wondrous possibilities and experiences! First, before we discuss what awaits us, shall we take a peek over our shoulder at the year just gone?

I suppose the most important thing that happened in 2011 was the birth of the Mutekiba Sentai! We hit the airwaves in April with our first ever episode. Afterwards, we took a short break before emerging once more to attend the London Expo. The weeks and months then seemed to fly by, and we entertained you with stories and photographs and witty non-sequiturs. I spent the summer rebuilding the Aniranger HQ into the veritable fortress it is now, among other things. Autumn and winter were a difficult time for us, the bank account was empty, and we had so much more to do! Some dedication and sacrifice from Adam resulted in the belated arrival of YamiBlack, who proved to be a nuisance. Adam also embarked on a secret mission, hoping to secure the future of the Mutekiba Sentai, but returned empty-handed.

Although they usually keep their mouths shut, Miles and Pete work fervently behind the scenes, greasing the wheels of the Aniranger machine with their sordid, secret pastimes and making sure, at the very least, Adam has a shoulder to cry on as he sobs uncontrollably.

There’s a lot that goes on that we don’t tell you folks about, and sometimes it can seem like we’ve turned our backs on the sacred brotherhood of Aniranger, but rest assured – We love everything we’ve done and everything we do, and we put our hearts and souls into it. But being “grown ups” (in the eyes of the law, anyway) with other responsibilities and financial constraints, it’s hard to put into practice every plan and idea we have.

But, oh, what ideas we have!! Hopefully, this year will see us continue to surprise you. Episode 2 demands to be made, and there’s a folder overflowing with designs and ideas that we’re just dying to create for real!

It’s going to be a great year, for all of us. Be brave, be bold, and seek happiness! You are all masters of your own fate, so shape your destiny and chase those dreams!

– Adam & the Mutekiba Sentai





And to all a good night!

22 12 2011

Ho-ho-ho! Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Blitzen! On, Cupid! On, Donner! On, Comet and Vixen (Oooh! – Aniblue)!

Merry Christmas, Ani-fans.

Tis that time of year again. A joyous time, a time of peace and goodwill; when family and friends get together to exchange gifts, when people put aside their differences, and when The Muppets show up to enforce a moral message via the medium of catchy showtunes.

"Wow, Dickens was a lot smaller and bluer than I thought...."

We’ll be celebrating the holiday the way only Anirangers can! AniBlack will be giving gifts and sword-fighting lessons to the local urchins (most of them have their own knives), AniGreen will be squirming into his heavy Victorian formalwear (with cravat!), and AniBlue will be squirming down the chimney of the house next door, hoping to catch a peek of that nice girl as she gets out of the shower. (This time, I’ll make sure the flash is off… – AniBlue)

In all seriousness (Who’s joking? – AniBlue), we Anirangers would like to remind you all of the meaning and spirit of the season.
It’s not about presents. It doesn’t even have to be about Jesus. Christmas is a time of charity and kindness, of joy and peace. If you hold these things in your heart, you’ll make the world a much better place. It’s kind of tradition to expect a miracle or two around Christmas – We Anirangers ask you this:

Why not be the miracle?