Christmas Greetings from the Anirangers

24 12 2012

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the H.Q,
not a Ranger was stirring, not even Aniblue!
The helmets were hung on the mantle with care,
in hopes that St. Nicolas soon would be there.

The original poem is many verses long,
to mutilate it further, would surely be wrong!
So I exclaim, dear reader; don’t give up the fight!
A happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time of year again, Anifans. We hope you are all enjoying some peace and quiet with your families and friends. AniBlack gets a little emotional around Christmas, he’s such a sensitive soul. He’s out on the roof, looking out for Santa Claus. Something was said about wanting to spread joy and happiness to all the children around the world – we think he wants a ride-along. AniBlue told him that Santa doesn’t visit ‘big boys’, and even if he did, the roof of the HQ isn’t nearly large enough to accommodate a fat man, sleigh and eight reindeer. The sight of someone dressed all in black waving a sword might scare him off, too.

AniBlue seems quite content. He’s eagerly anticipating snow. Apparently, it “makes the vixens easier to track”. That scamp! Will there be no end to his perverted endeavours? He’s probably on a watch list by now – suspicion was raised after he went into Pet World looking for “those cages that snap shut” and “fox food”. We expect the raid to be any day now.

No, girl! You'll give him ideas!

NO.

AniGreen is barricading himself firmly in the 19th Century. Snuggled up by the fire in his gown, cravat and slippers, cane in hand. A sherry too far prompted a fierce tirade last year… AniBlack was proclaimed to be, amongst other things, “a crumb of cheese”. Feelings hurt, he returned home that night to find the town’s prize turkey festering on the doorstep. Being a vegetarian, he did not imbibe. AniBlue quickly claimed it – not for himself – but for his “pretty ones”.

Actual photograph

AniGreen – Actual portrait

So, dear readers. We wish you all a happy, merry, peaceful and safe Christmas. Spread some cheer and look after your fellow man, even if it’s just with a smile or a tip of the hat. It’s a big world out there, and many are not fortunate enough to have the company of their kin. Raise a glass to them, and to peace on Earth.

Til next time,

AniBlack, AniBlue and AniGreen

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An Update Approaches!

21 02 2012

Hello Anifans!

I come, across the vast and empty desert of the interwebs, to dust off the cobwebs of the HQ and fill your juicy brains with juicy information about the latest juicy endeavours of the Aniranger team.
(Mental note: We’re out of orange juice. Buy new 2-litre.)

All has been quiet on the western front, lately. We’ve all been busy… far too busy to protect the world! Miles has been filling the neighbour’s pool with sheep-dip, in a possible attempt to rid himself of parasites. I told him not to frolic with those vixens that live in the alley.

I have been busying myself with various things… I was doing my best to get a video up, for you all to enjoy, but the batteries ran flat on my cattle prod. Buy Duracell, kids, they’re worth the extra £1.50. It’s hard to motivate the others without it.
As for Pete, he’s been doing… various… Petey… things. Sordid, dark, vulgar things that would make your eyes bleed, no doubt. Or not. Maybe he just had a nice cup of tea. That boy is an enigma wrapped in a mystery, snuggled in an emotionless and pallid  gooey outer shell.

Our good friend Kent is about to add a new, sixth member to his team. If the gulf of the Atlantic can be crossed (I told you not to sell your boat, Pete!! I TOLD YOU!) we shall have a ‘crossover’ episode. Watch as giant Americans stomp our tiny British frames into guacamole! Laugh, as we stumble around on the “side walk” and eat “chips”, gawking in confusion at imperial measurements and cars that drive on the wrong side of the road.

Well, that’s the Americans offended. I’ll cross them off the list. There aren’t many countries left…

Keep watching this space, Anifriends. And keep the faith.

– Adam





A word from our sponsor

31 01 2012

Hello folks! The Anirangers are proud to announce a partnership with German brewing company Gesellschaft GmbH. Please take a moment to read our promotional feature. Perhaps import a cool, frosty glass of the King of Gesellschaft Beers: “FüchsinPißen Wasser”

In 1989, nearly one score ago, the Berlin Wall collapsed, bringing freedom and unity to a nation, but also crushing several trucks loaded with delicious beer. Their containers exploded, combining their contents and showering the people (and the pavement) with a new, gestalt beverage! In the resulting cacophony, Charles Schultz Bismarck scooped up a tankard of the blend. Taking it back to his secret workshop, he reverse-engineered the recipe, and began selling it as FüchsinPißen Wasser, named for its unique, refreshing taste and distinctive colour and aroma. After several cruel buyouts, the Gesellschaft brewing company was formed, to bring his creation to the world, at a fair price.

Imbibo Penetranter

Remember, guys, we get 1 Deutschemark for every case sold, so get down to your local grey-market importer now!

Thanks for your continued interest in the Anirangers!





Let’s Make it a Good One

5 01 2012

Happy New Year, Anifans!

Oh, it’s so exciting, isn’t it? A whole new year ahead of us, full of wondrous possibilities and experiences! First, before we discuss what awaits us, shall we take a peek over our shoulder at the year just gone?

I suppose the most important thing that happened in 2011 was the birth of the Mutekiba Sentai! We hit the airwaves in April with our first ever episode. Afterwards, we took a short break before emerging once more to attend the London Expo. The weeks and months then seemed to fly by, and we entertained you with stories and photographs and witty non-sequiturs. I spent the summer rebuilding the Aniranger HQ into the veritable fortress it is now, among other things. Autumn and winter were a difficult time for us, the bank account was empty, and we had so much more to do! Some dedication and sacrifice from Adam resulted in the belated arrival of YamiBlack, who proved to be a nuisance. Adam also embarked on a secret mission, hoping to secure the future of the Mutekiba Sentai, but returned empty-handed.

Although they usually keep their mouths shut, Miles and Pete work fervently behind the scenes, greasing the wheels of the Aniranger machine with their sordid, secret pastimes and making sure, at the very least, Adam has a shoulder to cry on as he sobs uncontrollably.

There’s a lot that goes on that we don’t tell you folks about, and sometimes it can seem like we’ve turned our backs on the sacred brotherhood of Aniranger, but rest assured – We love everything we’ve done and everything we do, and we put our hearts and souls into it. But being “grown ups” (in the eyes of the law, anyway) with other responsibilities and financial constraints, it’s hard to put into practice every plan and idea we have.

But, oh, what ideas we have!! Hopefully, this year will see us continue to surprise you. Episode 2 demands to be made, and there’s a folder overflowing with designs and ideas that we’re just dying to create for real!

It’s going to be a great year, for all of us. Be brave, be bold, and seek happiness! You are all masters of your own fate, so shape your destiny and chase those dreams!

– Adam & the Mutekiba Sentai





And to all a good night!

22 12 2011

Ho-ho-ho! Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Blitzen! On, Cupid! On, Donner! On, Comet and Vixen (Oooh! – Aniblue)!

Merry Christmas, Ani-fans.

Tis that time of year again. A joyous time, a time of peace and goodwill; when family and friends get together to exchange gifts, when people put aside their differences, and when The Muppets show up to enforce a moral message via the medium of catchy showtunes.

"Wow, Dickens was a lot smaller and bluer than I thought...."

We’ll be celebrating the holiday the way only Anirangers can! AniBlack will be giving gifts and sword-fighting lessons to the local urchins (most of them have their own knives), AniGreen will be squirming into his heavy Victorian formalwear (with cravat!), and AniBlue will be squirming down the chimney of the house next door, hoping to catch a peek of that nice girl as she gets out of the shower. (This time, I’ll make sure the flash is off… – AniBlue)

In all seriousness (Who’s joking? – AniBlue), we Anirangers would like to remind you all of the meaning and spirit of the season.
It’s not about presents. It doesn’t even have to be about Jesus. Christmas is a time of charity and kindness, of joy and peace. If you hold these things in your heart, you’ll make the world a much better place. It’s kind of tradition to expect a miracle or two around Christmas – We Anirangers ask you this:

Why not be the miracle?

 





Back to Back to Black

10 12 2011

Wow, what a scary couple of weeks! YamiBlack seems to have given up the chase for now. Don’t worry, folks. He’ll get his just desserts!

I’ve reinforced the Aniranger HQ; a new bio-metric scanner means that only TRUE Anirangers can get in. The place is a mess, though! What did that guy get up to!? All the doors are bashed in, the carpet’s torn up, the weapons are destroyed (And, oh, my goodness! He’s uploaded hundreds of obscene, indecent images to the computer! The FIEND! – AniBlue) and somebody drew a comedy Groucho Marx moustache on AniYellow’s portrait! (No, that was me. – AniBlue)

It’s times like this that I appreciate the little things in life… A peaceful night’s sleep, scalding hot pizza and lukewarm lemonade, AniBlue’s jokes and the incoherent bleatings of AniGreen! Ah, good times with good friends.

Fear not, supporters of the Anirangers. I’ll get my powers back. You’ll see.

Pictured: Me, in a fractal timeline yet to happen.

We should have a nice video up, soon. I’m sure you’ll like it. In the meantime, you can support the Anirangers simply by spreading the word. Post on forums! Facebook! Spraypaint our faces onto your nearest police station! Send threatening letters to your head of state or parliament! Hopefully, fame and endorsement will follow soon, and AniBlue can quit his job at the sewage plant. AniGreen seems to quite enjoy his job, hand-sorting woodchips at the wallpaper factory. It pays peanuts, but we can redecorate the house twice a year.

Keep the faith, Anifans.





FEAR ME, FOOLS!

29 11 2011

Puny mortals, hear me! This is YamiBlack. I’ve managed to gain entry into the pitifully disguised “Aniranger” headquarters, and boot up their antiquated computer system.

I bring you a warning. I, who have so easily defeated the Anirangers’ defences, and extracted the full, terrible power from those “power coins” they guard so dearly, give you an ultimatum.

JOIN ME OR DIE!

 





The Darkness Approaches

22 11 2011
FEAR ME

Good versus Evil

We feared this day would come, Anifriends. The sacred power we wield has been corrupted! AniBlack’s coin, and the tanuki spirit within, has been twisted to serve the selfish desires of the villain dubbed “YamiBlack”.
How did this happen? We shall reveal all, soon! What we should all be worrying about is what happens now? Without his powers, Adam is no match for this fiend!

Will the other Anirangers be able to stop him?  Will Adam reclaim his coin and save the power it contains from the twisted perversions of YamiBlack?

Fools! All shall tremble before me!

Hello, FOOLS!

How do you stop an Aniranger…? Find out soon!





Bucky Animal Adventurers from S.P.A.C.E.

14 11 2011

Hello everyone (except YOU. Yes, I mean you. Bad! In your bed!),

AniBlack here, reporting once more from the steel-clad haven that is the Aniranger HQ. It’s good to be home! I don’t know what the guys got up to while I was away… There’s curious stains on the carpet, and I keep finding what looks like human teeth in the cracks and crevices. Seikiba’s blade seems to lean a little more to the left than I remember, too. Weird.
My secret mission was not as successful as I had hoped (though who can say what the future holds? WooOOoooOOO!). I have gained almost nothing (‘cept Yellow Fever), and have lost my helmet. Nothing I cannot rebuild, I assure you. The cracks were starting to show (in fact, it had been blown up, burned, dropped and smashed to pieces) so perhaps it is for the best… AniBlack will be reborn!
There is another, too. A creation from the darkest depths of Aniranger lore – Gestating, growing, ready to be birthed into the world (I think I’m gonna be sick – Aniblue). Hopefully we’ll have some piccies up, soon.

Money is tight these days (I used to swim, like Scrooge McDuck, in my vault of riches. A tear shed, for those times!). Our last episode ran up a bill of several thousand of the Queen’s best British Pounds, and though the cost will be much less for subsequent movies, it is still a substantial figure.  We’ll get it together eventually; Miles is selling fake Avatar DVDs, and Pete’s working the docks, so it shouldn’t be too long.

There’s a lot more to being an Aniranger than making films, anyways. Oh, the fun we have! The injuries we sustain! The pizzas we devour!

– Special Promotion –
If YOU would like to be an Aniranger, and have dangerous amounts of fun eating junk food and watching children’s cartoons, then simply send a cheque or postal order for £558 (+£35 handling) plus a naked picture of yourself if you’re female to:

ANIRANGER HQ
t/a Yuen Ming Tsun Lawnmower Handle Company, Ltd.
Destiny Avenue, Luen Chow Trading Estate, KOWLOON.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Er, offer open for a limited time! *ahem* Anyway, there really is much more to being an Aniranger than meets the eye, and we hope to entertain and inspire through as many mediums as possible.
Coming soon, I’m sure Pete will get around to writing his Ani-Animals section and finally reveal to us all why he chose the frog as his avatar (Did you say “Avatar”? Only £4.99 on high-quality Blú Ray brand DVD! – Aniblue). Our good friend Kent is sure to surprise us with his Avengers’ exploits, too. And heck, maybe we’ll surprise you with a few things, as well!

Keep the faith, buddies. Keep those fingers crossed, keep chasing those dreams, and keep an eye on that spider’s nest in the garden. AniRed once found a spider in his bananas the size of a hubcap. It’s still out there, somewhere.

 





AniRanger Fan Interest Survey

5 10 2011

Well, it’s just a bit of fun, really. Answer honestly, now.

 

Thanks for your feedback, Anifriends! We shall watch with interest as the results pour in. They will then be collated by A.L.I.C.E, and using a sophisticated algorithm she will determine who dies first. – Only joking, kids. AniBlack put an axe through her ages ago. It was a bit excessive, if we’d wanted her crippled, we should’ve just installed Windows Vista. Arf!